Messages from God

So I recently decided to document my journey with Christ. I was a Christian in high school but life led me down a dark path and it took me 11 years to find my way back to Him.

I won't give much of a background, rather just post what's on my mind and hope you can keep up as this is more for me, than my readers.

I started attending church again late last summer. Up until that point, I was charting (taking temps and monitoring cervical fluid) as my way of helping me understand my body better for when we would start trying to conceive. I had discovered during this process that I had a short luteal phase.

As a result, instead of bringing this issue to God, I simply remedied with taking safe low doses of B6. I discovered what dose worked and when we were officially TTC, took my personal doses at appropriate times.

As it did when I conceived my son, it only took two cycles. I found out middle of October I was expecting again. I was so elated!! I upped my B6, silently praised and thanked God then went on my way. I slightly worried in the back of my mind of another miscarriage (I miscarried before my son and he's my rainbow baby) but as I didn't permit myself to enjoy my previous pregnancy until I was 13 weeks, I decided to fully relish in this one.

I made it to 5 weeks and didn't bat an eye. Made it to 6 and was a little excited as that's when I had previously miscarried. Stopped thanking God and continued the B6.

Morning of week 10 I woke up as normal, snuggled and played with my son in bed and then got up to go to the bathroom. I wiped and saw blood. Not dark blood, bright red blood. I lost it and sobbed. I checked again, blood. Sobbed some more. Composed myself to call my husband to take me to the hospital.

Fast forward and it was determined baby stopped growing at about 6 weeks. I naturally passed my baby (I'm convinced was a girl based off the Ramzi's method) a week after the morning of bleeding. Our precious child is now buried in my mother in laws garden.

I was upset, not at God, cause deep down I know it was His will to give and take and there was a lesson to be learned here. Finally after a month of mourning and still charting, I decided to trust Him and stopped documenting my temperatures on Fertility Friend and instead just write them down.

I did this for a month and still, thanks to my OCD, be able to know when to be intimate with my husband and when to test. Two cycles go by with no positive test.

I prayed and prayed to God to help me bear a child this year. I knew there was a lesson to be learned but was so lost as to what it was. It wasn't until I talked to a friend who had trouble conceiving that she suggested I stop the B6 and the progesterone I was given by my midwife during the miscarriage. I told her she was crazy. She said the month she stopped it all and prevented, they conceived their daughter.

Me, being stuck in my stubborn ways, continued taking my medicine. It wasn't until I was reading a devotional on the lamb that had it's leg broken by it's shepard that I realized I am that lamb and my shepard is God. I wasn't relying on Him at all for my pregnancy and instead relying on medicine and science and quite frankly, myself. I believe that is why He took my baby from me.

Starting that day, I stopped all my medicine. I didn't throw it out, because in the event He is treating this like Abraham and Isaac, I want to be prepared. I stopped writing down in a notebook (in succession so I can see a pattern) and instead wrote my temps on the calendar and didn't note when I started in reference to cycle days.

I vaguely knew what time in my cycle I was this cycle. My  husband and I were intimate one weekend and based off my temps (I stopped noting cervical fluid) I had assumed I ovulated and had a very small chance of conceiving my 2013 baby! But nothing is impossible with God so I kept going on.

Three days later, my husband wanted to be intimate and so we were. The next day too. That night, after we were done, I prayed for some encouragement from God as I didn't know what was to come. That night, I dreamed an amazing dream.

Here's where I will backtrack a little to give you some faith =) 11 years ago I dreamed I was visiting my father and helping him clean his house. I got to his closet and was pulling things out and at the very bottom, came across some papers. I skimmed them to determine how important each sheet was when I came to a check. I called him to alert him there was a check in his closet but as I was about to, noticed it was made out to me. It was an unusual amount and didn't say who it was from. Then I woke up. Two weeks later, I received a letter from a government entity that I was receiving funds from through my father, that they had made a mistake previously and was back paying me. The amount deposited was the exact amount, down to the last penny, of the check I had dreamed about.

Back to present day. In my dream I was cleaning my room and saw something hanging from a string on my bathroom door. Curious, I went to untie it and saw it was a plastic device attached. I went to throw it away but noticed it was a pregnancy test-that said positive. When I woke up that morning and took my temperature, it spiked by half a degree. I had ovulated when we were intimate!! I STRONGLY and FIRMLY believe God was telling me I conceived my baby that night, March 14, 2013. If it's right, my estimated guess date would be about my Birthday =) What an amazing birthday present from God and an early Christmas present to boot!

Since then I've been thanking Him every day and telling everyone I come across of my miracle dream. When I feel a little doubtful (which honestly started about 2-3 days later, thanks Satan) I go to my devotional or Bible or even be around fellow Christians. God throws me some good bones!!

The other night, our cats, who have been ignoring me over the years, started snuggling with me more. I take that as another sign from my Father!

I will be officially starting testing a week from tomorrow, the 26th and firmly believe by Easter I will have my two pink lines!

I hope you enjoy my story thus far and enjoy my journey with God in my life. I pray you all have amazing experiences like me and don't lose faith. We are all Princesses and Princes to the most amazing high King and we can do ALL things through him!!